It’s only January 2nd, and I’m already feeling overloaded with the manic frenzy of ways to transform ourselves from slovenly, unwashed peasants into shining princes and princesses.
I suspect that it’s a function of where I am on my own path, but all the achieve-your-goals-lose-weight-be-a-superstar-change-your-life focus is ringing a bit hollow for me. It all feels like changing the color of the frosting on the cake of life.
Here’s a radical idea for a new year’s resolution: Be OK.
I know, it’s not especially sexy, and it probably won’t sell many self-help books. But the more I think about it, the more it feels like a vital ingredient of the cake.
If I could make one single wish for any of us for 2014, it would be this: To find peace with who we are. To realize that all the stories of insufficiency and lack we tell about ourselves are the supreme fiction. To learn to love ourselves as is, without needing to spit-shine ourselves first.
In other words, to be OK.
That’s a big part of what my self-compassion project for 2014 is all about. I get glimpses of it here and there, more frequently now than I used to, but still not as much as I would like.
Here’s my belief, even if I can’t always feel the reality of it. I believe that each and every one of us, when you strip away all the stories and patterns and beliefs about ourselves, is inherently enough. We’re inherently OK, just as we are. More than just OK, we are each an embodiment of love, and we are each here to bring that love into the world via our own particular gifts, skills, and even personalities.
It’s like the meditation analogy of weather patterns on a mountain. In this case, the stories and patterns and beliefs are the weather, and the mountain is the core of who we really are. To the mountain, the raging storms of not-enoughness are surface level chatter, completely irrelevant at a deeper level.
“I’m not OK” is a story. It’s a work of fiction, one that feels insidiously real and solid. It prevents us from showing up from the heart, and it spills over into the effect we have on the world around us.
Here’s what I believe to be true. Try it on and see if it fits. If you don’t achieve a single thing or make a single change for the better in 2014 besides moving more deeply into an awareness that beneath all the surface chatter you are enoughness itself – if you learned to spend more time as the mountain – the year will have been a stunning success.
So this year, make one of the most radical and important resolutions you can make. Learn to be OK.
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