The Ripple Revolution (tm)

Posts in category Personal development

Be the change. Live the change. Make the change.

March 10, 2015 Written by Curt Rosengren

be the change live the change make the change

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how our inner lives affect our ability to make the world a better place. It’s an idea that is at the heart of the Ripple Revolution.

Typically when we think about making a difference, we have an external focus. “What action can I take? What change can I make in the world out there.” But that’s only part of the story.

As I have been pondering how to tell the whole story, these are the words that have been running through my mind:

Be the change.

Live the change.

Make the change.

Here’s what I mean with each of those, and how each of the areas connects with the Ripple Legacy you create (your Ripple Legacy is the cumulative impact of the choices you make and actions you take in your entire life, both immediate and those that ripple out).

Be the change.

There’s a quote attributed to Gandhi that encourages us to “Be the change you want to see in the world.” If you want to make the world a better place, that’s where it all starts.

As I describe it here, being the change is a simple concept. What you set in motion in the world reflects what is going on inside. Want to see more love in the world? You can start by cultivating that love within you (both for yourself and for the world around you). Want to see more peace? Develop more inner peace.

This isn’t some abstract foofy idea. It’s pure common sense.

You have probably already experienced this numerous times in your life. Ever felt cranky and discovered that your mood has had an impact on your interactions with people around you? Or maybe you have felt deeply peaceful and grounded and were able to navigate a crisis in a way that helped those around you feel more calm (or at least less panicked) as well.

Both of those are examples of “being a change.” In each of them, your inner state of being impacted the external state of affairs. The key is being the change that nudges things in the right direction.

Not only does being the change have an impact on the world around you, it also gives you a more solid foundation to stand on. You’re more able to be effective and more able to direct your energy in a positive, productive way.

Live the change.

Your Ripple Legacy doesn’t just come from the big things you do. Much of it – possibly most of it – comes from the way you show up day in and day out as you live your life.

The choices you make and the actions you take day after day have an impact on the world around you. Sometimes that impact is positive, other times it’s negative. The more your inner world reflects the impact you want to have on the outer world (the more you can be the change), the more likely those choices and actions will have a positive impact (the more you will live the change).

Living the change doesn’t have to be big and dramatic. Often it’s the small things. For example:

  • Being deeply present for a conversation with a loved one.
  • Stopping and talking with a homeless guy, treating him like an equal.
  • Returning a lost wallet.
  • Giving another driver space to merge in front of you.
  • Paying a stranger a sincere compliment.
  • Telling someone you believe in them.
  • Letting the person with just a couple things to buy go ahead of you in the grocery store line, even though you were there first.
  • When you go shopping, asking, “What impact does this product have? Is that something I want to support?” and making choices accordingly.

There is no shortage of ways to live the change. And the more you look for opportunities, the more you’re like to find them.

Make the change.

This is what most people think of when they  talk about making a difference. It’s the proactive, results-focused aspect of your efforts to make the world a better place.

This is where the volunteer work happens. It’s where the clothing drive for the homeless that you instigate takes place, and where that project you have been noodling aimed at funding educational opportunities for women in poverty unfolds. It’s where social entrepreneurs leave their mark.

Here again, being the change looms large. The more you are coming from a place of inner peace, the more you are living an internal life of openness, love, and connection, the more that impacts the work you do. The more peace you feel inside, the more sustainable any work you do is for the long-term, and the easier it is to navigate the challenges without letting them weigh you down.

Try this: 

Sit down with a pen and paper and take stock of your life in each of these categories.

Be the change: How am I already being the change (e.g., treating yourself with compassion, or having a committed grounding practice like meditation)? What could I do to be the change more?

Live the change: How am I already living the change? What could I do to live the change more?

Make the change: How am I already making the change? What could I do to make the change more?

The goal is to get more clarity as a place to start, not to assess whether or not you’re doing enough in any of the areas. To the degree you can, approach it with a sense of curiosity, rather than judgment.

Pick one thing from each of those categories and start experimenting with it. See what impact it has, whether that is on your inner life or the world outside.

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

Time for a career change? Start with
The Occupational Adventure Guide 

Heart-based living, Making a difference, Taking action

Book review: The five secrets you must discover before you die

February 18, 2015 Written by Curt Rosengren

the five secrets you must discover before you die

I don’t often do book reviews. But I just finished a book that resonated so deeply with both how I want to live my life and the ideas that are at the heart of The Ripple Revolution that I couldn’t help but sit down and write one.

Imagine having 235 in-depth conversations with “wise elders,” people who had lived a long life and had something important to teach. Now imagine squeezing the essence of what those wise elders had to share into a single book. The result is the five secrets you must discover before you die.

I read a lot of books in the personal development genre, both for personal and professional growth. It’s not often I find myself wanting to grab random people on the street, put the book in their hands and say, “You need to read this!”

It’s not that I had some epiphany about what’s important. None of the ideas were new to me; they’re ideas that at some level we all know. What was so powerful for me was the way it all came straight from the horse’s mouth. It offered a context that created an added relevance and poignancy. I found myself being able to fast forward to my twilight years and look back at where I am now and the choices I’m making. And it felt so clear what is working and what I would regret.

Even that exercise isn’t new to me. But there was something about having the context of actual people looking back that made it more compelling and real.

The secrets are:

Be true to yourself (Reflect more)

Leave no regrets (Risk more)

Become love (Love more)

Live the moment (Enjoy more)

Give more than you take (Return more)

My parents visited me last weekend. While they were here, my mom was looking at the book and read a list of the five secrets out loud. My dad laughed and said, “Great – now I don’t have to read the book.”

But those five ideas themselves aren’t the whole story. The whole story is a deeper look at what those ideas mean, where they came from, and how we can apply them in our lives.

I pretty much live personal development work 24/7, partially because that’s the focus of my work and partially because I want the positive impact it has on my own personal life. So it’s not often that I find myself reading something and feeling inspired with a visceral motivation to make that change.

I felt that again and again in this book.

For example, as I read the section on Leave No Regrets, I found myself feeling really clear on the ways I was showing up that I would look back on with regret. Some of those involved not taking risks, not doing what I feel inspired to do, and some of them involved ways I show up where I’m just not the person I want to be. I didn’t come away with the feeling of “oh, I suck!” The book left me with a feeling of, “It’s time to do something about that!”

It’s an easy, entertaining, interesting, and engaging read. Sometimes the personal development books I read have good insights, but feel like a chore to read. Others are enjoyable reads, but light on substance. This book combined the best of both worlds.

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

Time for a career change? Start with
The Occupational Adventure Guide

The big value of small irritations

March 21, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

What if I told you that the small irritations you confront every day – traffic jams, a co-worker droning on pointlessly in a meeting, the grouchy checker at the grocery store – are potentially some of your biggest opportunities?

I’ve been working lately on really embracing the big value of small irritations. Each irritation we experience brings with it a learning laboratory that shines a light on how we respond, what our triggers are, what stories we tell, and ultimately how we get in the way of our own peace.

The other day it took me literally the entire day (from eight in the morning to around eight at night) to get my computer booted up and running (or perhaps more accurately, limping). Here’s a Facebook post from a couple days later.

“I have been using my uber-frustrating computer challenges the last couple days as a training ground for not getting sucked into a negative emotional response. Mixed results on that. Sometimes simply stopping and noticing what’s good in my life, or appreciating the beauty out my window, or even being thankful for the opportunity to practice patience. Other times throwing f-bombs around like a drunken sailor. “

Here’s what I love about using our daily irritations to practice becoming the person we want to become. First, they’re going to happen anyway – why not squeeze all the value we can out of them?

Second, they provide a reasonably low-impact opportunity to improve our ability to roll with life. When you get adept at working with the small irritations, you build coping muscles for the bigger challenges in life.

Third, the more I work with the small irritations, the more they cease to be small irritations. The more I let go of my stories about how things should be, the less worked up I get when the rest of the world doesn’t follow my rules.

Try this: For the next week, do a “small irritation experiment.” Notice the things that irritate you. Each time you do, ask yourself some questions, like:

  • How important is this, really?
  • What can I notice right now that is positive?
  • What might be positive about this situation?
  • What story am I telling about this?
  • What can I let go of?
  • What expectation can I soften?
  • What can I learn from how I’m responding?
  • What might a different response be? Am I willing to explore it?
  • What is the hypotenuse of the square root of chi squared times f(x)?

(OK, I admit, that last one was completely nonsensical, without even a shred of sense, but if it works to knock your brain out of the irritation loop, what the heck! Right?)

Give it a try. Experiment with it for a week and see what happens. Don’t expect to navigate your irritations with perfect aplomb (witness my plethora of f-bombs during my computer issues). The key is just to dive in, explore, learn, and grow.

–-

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

Time for a career change? Start with
The Occupational Adventure Guide

Overcoming obstacles
,

What is a pleasure walk, and why should you take one?

February 10, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

What if a simple walk could change your whole outlook on the world?

I just finished listening to Kristin Neff’s book, Self-Compassion. In it, she described an idea that sparked my interest – taking a pleasure walk.

Here’s a snippet from a document on Neff’s web site describing the idea:

The goal of the walk is to notice as many pleasurable things as possible, slowly, one after another. Use all your senses—sight, smell, sound, touch…maybe even taste.

How many happy, beautiful, or inspiring things can you notice while you’re walking? Do you enjoy the fresh air, the warm sun, a beautiful leaf, the shape of a stone, a smiling face, the song of a bird, the feeling of the earth under your feet?

She encourages us to dive into noticing with gusto.

I few weeks ago I wrote about a gratitude-based mindfulness experiment. Taking a pleasure walk is another great way to aim your attention and focus on the positive.

It’s not about a syrupy attempt to make things positive that aren’t. It’s about giving our minds the opportunity to practice noticing what’s good.

On occasion I get into the habit of writing my dreams down first thing in the morning. After a few days of doing that, a funny thing happens. I start remembering more dreams. It’s like my mind realizes that I’m paying attenti0n, so it decides it had better start remembering those dreams.

The same thing happens when you practice noticing what’s good. The more you notice, and the more consistently you notice it, the more you naturally notice what’s good.

And when you naturally notice more of what’s good, guess what that does to your outlook on life?

In a way, it’s like sculpting your perspective. As you add more of the positive, you start to have less room for the negative.

I’m not suggesting that this is a magic-wand, just-add-water approach to a positive attitude. But it’s definitely another tool you can easily put to use to consciously craft your outlook.

The positive is there, whether you choose to notice it or not. Given that, doesn’t it make sense to take advantage of it?

So if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time for a walk.

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

Time for a career change? Start with
The Occupational Adventure Guide

Energize your life
, ,

Why I’m falling out of love with passion

February 6, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

Since 2001, my work has focused on helping people create careers and lives that energize and inspire them. So what’s the deal with the headline of this post? How could I be falling out of love with passion???

Well, perhaps it’s not so much that I’m falling out of love with passion per se (my definition of passion: The energy that comes from bringing more of YOU into what you do). I still think passion is as important as ever.

It’s really more that I have fallen out of love with the almost manic focus on having more passion, more happiness, more, more, more!

Somehow the idea has developed that we need to shoot for a 100%, Mach 10, All-Fabulous-All-the-Time Life.

And that would be great if it had the slightest thing to do with reality.

But it doesn’t.

Whether you’re looking at your career, your relationships, your health, or any other area, life is a series of ebbs and flows. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down.

The self-help world’s insistence that everything stay Up creates the impression that if you’re not jacked through the roof in Up mode, something is wrong with your life. Or worse, something is wrong with YOU.

Maybe it’s more accurate to say that my love is expanding. Yes, I’m still head over heels about passion, and happiness, and all those lovely states of being. But I’m increasingly seeing the need for it all to be built on the foundation of decidedly less sexy ideas.

Ideas like being present in the moment. Like gratitude for what you have. Like accepting and even embracing what is, however challenging. Like learning to love your situation exactly the way it is. And learning to love yourself exactly the way you are.

One of the most limiting beliefs I see out there is the dichotomous view that we have to either madly scramble to improve, or sink into the mire of stuckness with a less than preferable situation.

That’s complete crap. Here’s a different take on it. You can both aspire to improve and learn to occupy your current situation fully, compassionately, with love. One doesn’t negate the other.

In fact, learning to occupy the present moment more fully, fighting it less and accepting it more, makes more room for the improvement you aspire to. You’re not wasting so much time and energy struggling and resisting, which means you have more to put into the changes you want to make.

Take a look at your own life. Do you see any either/or beliefs around growth and change versus accepting and embracing what is? If so, what impact does that have? Could you explore taking a both/and approach to it?

I’m not likely to stop talking about passion, or happiness, or being energized. But more and more I’m seeing contentment, grounding, and a proactive acceptance not just as a way to plug an energy leak  and eliminate a source of discomfort, but as a way to create the space for your pursuit of growth and goals to thrive.

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

Energize your life, Overcoming obstacles
, ,

What are your personal values? (Here are 57)

February 5, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

What are your values? Can you clearly articulate them?

Whether or not you can describe your values, they have a huge impact on your life. They influence the decisions you make, your perceptions, and how you respond to things. They can also offer invaluable insight as you both plan for the future and evaluate decisions.

The trouble with identifying your values is…well…identifying your values. Where do you start? It can seem like a pretty amorphous thing to get your brain around.

As luck would have it, you don’t have pull it all out of thin air. A researcher by the name of S.H. Schwartz carried out research with tens of thousands of people in 44 different countries to explore the idea of universal values. The 57 common values he identified are:

  1. EQUALITY (equal opportunity for all)
  2. INNER HARMONY (at peace with myself)
  3. SOCIAL POWER (control over others, dominance)
  4. PLEASURE (gratification of desires)
  5. FREEDOM (freedom of action and thought)
  6. A SPIRITUAL LIFE (emphasis on spiritual not material matters)
  7. SENSE OF BELONGING (feeling that others care about me)
  8. SOCIAL ORDER (stability of society)
  9. AN EXCITING LIFE (stimulating experiences)
  10. MEANING IN LIFE (a purpose in life)
  11. POLITENESS (courtesy, good manners)
  12. WEALTH (material possessions, money)
  13. NATIONAL SECURITY (protection of my nation from enemies)
  14. SELF RESPECT (belief in one’s own worth)
  15. RECIPROCATION OF FAVORS (avoidance of indebtedness)
  16. CREATIVITY (uniqueness, imagination)
  17. A WORLD AT PEACE (free of war and conflict)
  18. RESPECT FOR TRADITION (preservation of time honored customs)
  19. MATURE LOVE (deep emotional & spiritual intimacy)
  20. SELF DISCIPLINE (self restraint, resistance to temptation)
  21. PRIVACY (the right to have a private sphere)
  22. FAMILY SECURITY (safety for loved ones)
  23. SOCIAL RECOGNITION (respect, approval by others)
  24. UNITY WITH NATURE (fitting into nature)
  25. A VARIED LIFE (filled with challenge, novelty and change)
  26. WISDOM (a mature understanding of life)
  27. AUTHORITY (the right to lead or command)
  28. TRUE FRIENDSHIP (close, supportive friends)
  29. A WORLD OF BEAUTY (beauty of nature and the arts)
  30. SOCIAL JUSTICE (correcting injustice, care for the weak)
  31. INDEPENDENT (self reliant, self sufficient)
  32. MODERATE (avoiding extremes of feeling & action)
  33. LOYAL (faithful to my friends, group)
  34. AMBITIOUS (hard working, aspiring)
  35. BROADMINDED (tolerant of different ideas and beliefs)
  36. HUMBLE (modest, self effacing)
  37. DARING (seeking adventure, risk)
  38. PROTECTING THE ENVIRONMENT (preserving nature)
  39. INFLUENTIAL (having an impact on people and events)
  40. HONORING OF PARENTS AND ELDERS (showing respect)
  41. CHOOSING OWN GOALS (selecting own purposes)
  42. HEALTHY (not being sick physically or mentally)
  43. CAPABLE (competent, effective, efficient)
  44. ACCEPTING MY PORTION IN LIFE (submitting to life’s circumstances)
  45. HONEST (genuine, sincere)
  46. PRESERVING MY PUBLIC IMAGE (protecting my “face”)
  47. OBEDIENT (dutiful, meeting obligations)
  48. INTELLIGENT (logical, thinking)
  49. HELPFUL (working for the welfare of others)
  50. ENJOYING LIFE (enjoying food, sex, leisure, etc.)
  51. DEVOUT (holding to religious faith & belief)
  52. RESPONSIBLE (dependable, reliable)
  53. CURIOUS (interested in everything, exploring)
  54. FORGIVING (willing to pardon others)
  55. SUCCESSFUL (achieving goals)
  56. CLEAN (neat, tidy)
  57. SELF-INDULGENT (doing pleasant things)

(I got these from this site where you can do a personal values self-evaluation.)

Schwartz also boiled those 57 down into ten broad values (“motivational domains”), into which all of those 57 can be grouped.

  • Self-Direction. Independent thought and action; choosing, creating, exploring.
  • Stimulation. Excitement, novelty, and challenge in life.
  • Hedonism. Pleasure and sensuous gratification for oneself.
  • Achievement. Personal success through demonstrating competence according to social standards.
  • Power. Social status and prestige, control or dominance over people and resources.
  • Security. Safety, harmony, and stability of society, of relationships, and of self.
  • Conformity. Restraint of actions, inclinations, and impulses likely to upset or harm others and violate social expectations or norms.
  • Tradition. Respect, commitment, and acceptance of the customs and ideas that traditional culture or religion provide the self.
  • Benevolence. Preserving and enhancing the welfare of those with whom one is in frequent personal contact (the ‘in-group’).
  • Universalism. Understanding, appreciation, tolerance, and protection for the welfare of all people and for nature.

[Source: Basic Human Values: An Overview]

I first came across this list of values in an excellent book I’m reading, Success with Soul. The authors suggest an exercise that, boiled down, looks like this:

  • Pick the top ten values that resonate most for you out of that 57.
  • Order those from top to bottom (they describe creating a “values pyramid,” with the most important two or three values at the top, and the remaining values spread between the middle and the bottom of the pyramid.
  • See where those values fit in the motivational domains. Identify and rank the motivational domains that show up for you.

It’s a fairly simple exercise that doesn’t require too much digging in and self-exploration. Wen I did it, I found it yielded useful insights and added some clarity.

Take a crack at it and see where it takes you. For me it was equal between “meaning in life” and “freedom.” Self-direction and Universalism were the primary motivational domains.

I would love to hear what you find. What values bubble up to the top for you?

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

, ,

What is your core underlying purpose?

February 4, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

Are you defining the purpose of your work too narrowly?

Last night at a dinner party I sat next to a guy I had never met before, and we got to talking about what he did for work (helping people with disabilities find jobs).

That in itself was interesting, but what was really interesting was his take on what he was actually there for, and how that perspective affected his experience of his work.

“I’m there to bring happiness and joy to people.” 

That wasn’t his job description. It wasn’t even the aimed-for end result of the work he did. It was what I started thinking of as his core underlying purpose, something that had deeper roots than the fleeting, changeable definition of what he does for a living.

Work as a vehicle for purpose

He didn’t see that purpose as being served only when the end goal of his work was achieved. He saw it as unfolding in every aspect of his job. It defined how he saw his role, not just with the clients he worked with, but also his co-workers and the employers he talked to.

Seen in that light, his sense of meaning didn’t have to come from the actual job and its goals. The job was really just a vehicle for his core underlying purpose to be expressed.

That core underlying purpose was less about the actual details of the job (the job description, the goals, etc.) and more about how he did it. Every step of the way, every minute of the day, brings with it the potential for him to add to people’s happiness and joy in some way, even if it’s just giving someone a warm smile.

What’s my core underlying purpose?

If I were to take a first crack at my own core underlying purpose, I would say it is about facilitating clarity and opening doors of possibility. I find myself doing that in all kinds of ways in all kinds of scenarios. I do it in my Passion Catalyst work – coaching, writing and speaking – but I also do it naturally and informally, in random conversations at parties, for example.

So if I look at things through that lens, everything I do can be seen in the context of facilitating clarity and/or opening doors of possibility. It gives me a frame of reference in every scenario to ask, “How can I facilitate clarity here? How can open a door to possibility here?”

I can ask those questions in my work. I can ask those questions in my relationships. I can ask those questions in most any situation I find myself in.

Take your core underlying purpose for a test drive

What is your core underlying purpose? Do a first-blush version. See what comes out. Don’t worry about “getting it right.” Think of it as creating a lump of clay you can sculpt over time.

When you have a test version of your core underlying purpose, you can do two things:

  1. Explore how it is currently being expressed in your work, and your life.
  2. Look for opportunities to express it.
  3. Evaluate and refine it.

One of the big ways people block themselves from deep insights about something like this is a perceived need to have it all wrapped up and tidy with a bow on top right out of the gate. But deep insights like this often tend to come more from an unfolding than a brilliant flash of realization.

Having a test version of your core underlying purpose allows you to explore it, act on it, see how it feels, so how it fits, and refine it based on what you discover.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be exploring the idea of purpose more deeply, including how to identify what it is for you.

Stay tuned!

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

Energize your life
, ,

Could the Seahawks Super Bowl win change the world?

February 3, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

I have to admit, other than hockey I’m not a big pro sports fan (and sadly, Seattle has no NHL team). So I paid my usual zero attention to the Seahawks this year.

But after seeing this ESPN article on coach Pete Carroll’s counter-culture approach (which I would sum up as “treat them like you care, create a positive environment, and give them the tools to thrive in life”), I just might have to start following them.

It’s a team where meditation, yoga, and counseling are all part of the game.

You might be excused if you wrote that all off as eccentric fluff, if it weren’t for the fact that yesterday the Seahawks won the Super Bowl, and did it as one of the youngest average age teams to do so. That gives Carroll’s approach some credence.

So how about the title of this post? How could the Seahawks win yesterday change the world? Two words: Hero worship.

In many ways, I think the culture in the NFL has been a microcosm for some of the limiting qualities that get reinforced in American culture, especially for men. Be strong. Be a bad-ass. Suck it up. Don’t be a wimp (i.e., don’t show emotion, unless it’s anger). And like it or not, the culture of the sports figures we idolize has an influence on how our societal culture develops.

So suddenly a wildly successful team isn’t just modeling Bad-ass and Butch. They’re modeling being human. They’re modeling being grounded. They’re modeling caring for and supporting others.

I can’t help but think that that is planting seeds. Suddenly there’s a little ray of light shining on a more well rounded, deeper path to success.

Imagine a twelve year old boy looking at his football heroes and saying, “Hey, they meditate. I want to meditate.” What kind of difference do you suppose that would make?

Not only that, the Seahawks just won one of the biggest events in the US. Close to a third of the population tunes in to watch the game. And what is behind Super Bowl success gets attention.

So not only does this have the potential to plant seeds with young people, it also has the potential to bring things like meditation, yoga, the value of caring and compassion, etc. more onto the mainstream radar as valuable, viable aspects of a “real man’s” life.

Granted, some of this is the chronic idealist and optimist in me speaking. But even if you account for that, I think this has the potential to have a significant cultural impact.

Go Hawks!

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

 

When all this happy schmappy talk feels like bullshit…

January 28, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

I absolutely believe in the potential we all have to drop what is limiting us and step into possibilities we can’t even imagine. I make my living helping other people create richer, more fulfilling careers and lives, so that view is a fundamental foundation for me.

Given that, it might surprise you that sometimes I listen to the incessant positive talk in the self-help world and think, “Aarrrrgh! This all feels like such bullshit!” When I have that response, one of two things is at play. The first is from a professional perspective, and the second is personal.

The professional perspective

In the self-help/personal development movement, there often seems to be an underlying message of not-enoughness. There’s a feeling that, “If I can only improve like this, this, and that, I’ll be OK.”

It’s a conditional acceptance – “When I ______, then I can accept myself.” And the almost manic Cult of Positivity feeds it like grade A fertilizer.

Do I believe that a positive focus is important? Vital even? Absolutely. Can personal growth lead to a richer, more fulfilling life? You bet. But when it becomes just another voice for the message that you need to be better than you are, something is out of whack.

The other thing that frustrates me is the way the excessive focus on the positive paints a picture of the ideal life as nothing but sunshine and fluffy bunnies. Guess what? If that’s your goal, you’re screwed! That’s not a realistic picture, and comparing your life to that ideal is a sure way to come out on the losing end of the comparison.

So from a professional perspective, I just want to jump up on my soapbox, grab a megaphone, and shout, “You’re OK! Just the way you are!” Yes, you have areas where you fall short of where you’d like to be. Yes, you screw up. Yes, you get in your own way on occasion. And while those are all opportunities to grow, you’re OK exactly where you are!

When you see those areas as opportunities to grow and evolve, you’re on the right track. But if you find yourself constricting and contracting, seeing them as the proof you don’t measure up to how you “should” be, it’s time to take a step back…

…and remind yourself…

…you’re OK, exactly the way you are.

(AND you have opportunities to grow and evolve).

The personal perspective

I’ve made a commitment to be as authentic as I can (not wearing the Guru Mask, pretending I somehow have it more together than others), so what about the personal perspective?

As I’ve mentioned before, the last couple years have been challenging for me. Along the way, there have been times when I have felt so close to the edge that I didn’t have room to maneuver.

I felt stretched so thin that I didn’t have any emotional buffer between me and whatever came my way. So each and every bump, even the small ones, felt bone-jarring. It was like riding down a bumpy road with no shock absorbers. All of the force of hitting the potholes and rocks was transferred straight to me.

So from a personal perspective, there have been times when all the happy schmappy focus, far from being a positive reinforcement that lifts me up, has left me feeling like I just don’t measure up, like the message being espoused was beyond my reach.

Along the way I have tried (with varying degrees of success) to take a different approach than a knee-jerk assessment of whether or not I measure up. When I find myself contracting in response to what feels like happy schmappy ideas, I step back from the notion that I need to improve in order to get to “good enough” and simply ask:

“What can I do to love myself, right now?”

That question takes me out of judgment, thwarted goals, insecurity, and the bazillion other things that conspire to drag me down. And it plops me right down in the present moment, focused on how I can be loving, kind, and compassionate to myself.

The more I can do that, the more space I create, and the more room I have to maneuver so I can turn my attention back to growing, improving, evolving, and achieving my goals.

Happy schmappy: Is it wrong?

So is all this focus on the positive wrong? Is it somehow bringing people down rather than supporting them?

Well, no. And yes. It depends.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with a positive focus. In fact, as I mentioned at the beginning, it’s a vital piece of the puzzle in living into our potential. It only becomes problematic when we let it create a skewed picture of how the world should be.

Because the positive picture isn’t the full story. And to the degree that we try to pretend it is, we repress what we see as less palatable. And that repression inevitably has a negative effect, whether we see it clearly or not.

So focus on the light. And embrace the dark. It’s all part of the fullness of life.

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

Overcoming obstacles

Change your life with Story Management

January 24, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

People tell themselves stories, and then pour their lives into the stories they tell.

~ Anonymous

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could wave a magic wand and the world would fall into line, just the way you want it to be?

Well, in a way, you can. Not by controlling everything that’s happening externally (and anyway, how exhausting would that be??), but through working with what’s happening internally.

The world you see isn’t the world “as it is.” It’s the world you see through the lens of whatever stories you tell about it. The shape of those stories determines the shape of that lens, which in turn determines how you experience the world you see through that lens.

And that’s good news!

Why? Because when you change your story, how you experience the world changes! So to change the world (or at least to change how you perceive it), you can skip the backbreaking and ultimately fruitless grind of trying to make everything around you match how you want it to be, and simply sculpt your stories.

The power of story management

During a session yesterday, a coaching client and I were talking about taking advantage of this story-generated lens. As we talked about the impact of our stories, the idea of “story management” came up. In a nutshell, story management is about cultivating more life-enhancing stories and shifting out of life-constricting stories.

Conceptually, it’s really simple. If I cultivate more stories that feed a positive view of the world, and reduce or eliminate the stories that feed a negative view, the world from my perspective changes, often dramatically.

Of course, like many conceptually simple ideas, this one can be easier said than done. It’s not a flip-of-the-switch solution. In fact, story management is really a lifetime approach. If you’re still breathing, you probably still need to work on managing your stories.

Life-constricting stories

We all have limiting beliefs about ourselves or the world around us. They’re usually marked by words like, “I can’t…That’s not…They won’t…” or other negative assessments about people, ideas, possibilities, etc.

Worry is a life-constricting story. Anger (sustained past its useful role as a catalyst for action) is a life-constricting story. “I’m not good enough” is a life-constricting story.

With story management, your first task is to be aware of these stories. Often, they’re operating in the background. We’re so used to their “reality” we don’t even think to question it.

Once we have shined a light on them, we can start to question them. We can either explore alternative ways of seeing things, or we can simply let those stories go.

Life-enhancing stories

Shifting out of your limiting stories can have a hugely positive impact on your life, but it’s only part of the picture. The other opportunity to sculpt your stories is to add to and feed the life-enhancing stories.

Again, the first step is noticing. When you are aware of your positive stories (e.g., “People are basically good,” or, “This situation is crappy, but I always learn from these challenges”), you can more consciously reinforce them.

Often, finding more life-enhancing stories is the result of your work to change the life-constricting stories – you swap one out for the other. So if you’re looking for a great way to start exploring possible life-enhancing stories, you need look no farther than the constriction. Every time you notice a life-constricting story at work is an opportunity to practice finding a more positive perspective.

Another way to manage your life-enhancing stories is to feed and nourish them. Provide them with the nutrients they need to thrive. One example of how to do that is focusing on gratitude. Gratitude nurtures a positive view of the world that both generates life-enhancing stories and makes it easier for them to thrive.

It’s not all fluffy bunnies

One final bit of advice for your story management efforts. Don’t mistake cultivating life-enhancing stories for living in denial of what’s challenging or painful.

It’s not about experiencing only sunshine and fluffy bunnies. It’s about more consciously shaping your experience of the world to one that is more expansive than constrictive.

Pain is an inevitable part of life. Fighting that pain – shoving it down, pretending it doesn’t exist, railing against it – has an enormously constrictive impact. Allowing the pain, on the other hand – acknowledging it, being with it, feeling compassion – lets its energy move through. You don’t get stuck there.

Consider this quote from Leo Tolstoy: “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” When you change your story, you change your perspective. And when your perspective changes, so does your world.

–

Join the Ripple Revolution TM

Brought to you by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM

Time for a career change? Start with
The Occupational Adventure Guide

Change, Energize your life
, ,
Older Entries