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Posts tagged gratitude

Would this gratitude experiment make you happier?

February 7, 2014 Written by Curt Rosengren

Want an easy way to up your happiness? Express your gratitude!

In this experiment, they had participants write about people who had a big positive impact on their lives. Once they were done writing, the experiment leader said, “OK, now call them and read what you wrote.”

The result is a beautiful demonstration of the power of expressing gratitude.

Just expressing the gratitude in writing raised people’s happiness levels. Sharing it with the person they wrote about raised it even higher.

(And fair warning. Before you watch this, grab a hankie. I’m still sniffling from it.)

Try this: Over the next week, identify at least one person you feel deeply grateful to. Sit down and write your thoughts about them. Why are you grateful for them? How have they affected your life?

Then reach out to them. Explain what you’re doing, and ask them to just listen to what you wrote.

See how it makes you feel. See how it makes them feel.

If you liked it, do it again (and again, and again).

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Energize your life, Gratitude, Heart-based living

Gratitude: Big power in the little things

December 13, 2013 Written by Curt Rosengren

A while ago I posted about my experiment of wearing a “thank you” button. One of the outcomes of that experiment was a greater awareness of opportunities for gratitude as I go about my day-to-day life.

That awareness isn’t a high volume chorus line extravaganza. It’s more of a steady low-grade hum. While there are certainly things in my life that I’m grateful for in a big way, what I notice most is how much more I notice the small things. For example:

  • The coffee I have at a coffee shop
  • The barrista who was funny and pleasant with me
  • The beauty of the artwork on the coffee shop wall
  • The fact that my arm functions healthily and easily as I lift the coffee cup to my mouth
  • The taste of the coffee
  • The feel of my arm in motion
  • The fact that I’m being aware of opportunities to be grateful

And on and on it goes. It’s not about big rushes of gratitude – frankly, that would be exhausting. Rather, it’s an ongoing small-scale noticing. And what you notice shapes your life.

How gratitude can change your life

If you want to change your life, change what you focus on. Imagine there are two of you in parallel universes. You each get up in the morning and have the exact same identical day – with one exception. One of you gets sucked into lack-based thinking (I don’t have enough, I’m not enough), and the other of you habitually gravitates towards noticing things to be grateful for.

Exact same day. Exact same mishaps and irritations. And two completely different experiences.

I know it can be easier said than done to change to that more positive perspective. It doesn’t tend to happen with the wave of a magic wand. But like so many things, it’s a habit you can develop.

Gratitude: Shine a light on the specks of dust

When you first start focusing on gratitude, it’s typically the big things that you notice. But over time, as you exercise that gratitude-recognition muscle, you’ll find that the small things pop up in your awareness more and more.

It’s like turning a spotlight on in a dark room and suddenly seeing all the specks of dust floating in the air. They were always there, but until you shined the light on them, you didn’t notice.

The more you notice the small things, the more you notice that they really are everywhere. Life has a high density of little gratitudes, if we’ll just flip the light on and practice seeing what’s there.

And the more we notice, the more that shapes how we experience our days.

When it comes to gratitude, there’s big power in noticing the little things.
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Can a gratitude button change your life?

November 21, 2013 Written by Curt Rosengren

thank you buttonStudies have shown that a focus on gratitude can have a huge positive impact on us, both emotionally and physically.

But between the busyness of life and the constant messages we’re bombarded with that we don’t have enough, aren’t enough, etc., it’s easy for gratitude to fall off the radar screen.

With that in mind, I want to share an experiment that has helped me be more consistently aware of  gratitude.

THE EXPERIMENT

A couple months ago I decided to try an experiment with a button a friend had given me that says “Thank you.” I would wear it every day, just to see what effect it would have. My plan was to just wear it for a couple weeks, but the result has been so positive, I’m still wearing it.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED SO FAR

Here’s a nutshell of what I have found so far.

The button reminds me to focus on gratitude 

Especially in the beginning, wearing the gratitude button was a constant reminder for the question, “What can I be grateful for?” I would see it when I looked down. I would see it in the bathroom mirror when I was washing my hands. Often, just knowing it’s there has acted as a reminder.

Other people remind me to focus on gratitude

When I’m out and about, other people provide a great reminder. Sometimes they ask me about the button. More often they don’t, but I notice a little eye-bobble as they glance down at the button. And even if neither of those happens, just the fact that I’m half-expecting them to ask about it brings my attention there.

Occasionally when I tell them about the impact of gratitude, someone asks, “So what are you grateful for?” That’s always a great way to bring it out of the abstract and into the present moment.

I started to notice more things to be grateful for 

The longer I wore the button, the more I started to notice things to be grateful for. It’s like taking your gratitude muscles to the gym. The more they work out, the stronger they are, and the more naturally they come into use.

My general awareness of gratitude was greater

It’s not like I’ve this non-stop power surge of gratitude as a result of wearing the button. But I have noticed a greater overall awareness. Gratitude has become a more constant part of what I notice, even in small, subtle ways. The song of my day has more gratitude notes, you might say.

It gives me the opportunity to plant seeds with others

The button hasn’t just had an impact on me. It has also been an opportunity to plant gratitude seeds with other people, creating positive ripples. When someone asks about the button, I give them a short spiel on the experiment and the positive impact of gratitude. One woman even decided that she needed to get a bunch of buttons to give to her friends.

People start to expect my focus on gratitude

One day I was having a particularly bad day and was in a particularly foul mood. I didn’t feel grateful, and I didn’t want to wear my button. But I had to go to the bank, and I knew there was a teller there with whom I had had a long conversation about my experiment. I knew she would be expecting me to be wearing it. I sighed, put on my button, and headed out the door.

Sure enough, when I saw her she smiled and asked, “Where’s your button?” I flashed open my coat and showed her that it was there. We ended up having a positive conversation, and it brought me back to a more positive space.

In a way, that starts to create a “gratitude accountability loop.”

WHAT HAS GOTTEN IN THE WAY

Here are a couple things that I found have reduced the experiment’s effectiveness.

The button started fading into the background

After wearing it for several weeks, the button just started to fade into the background. I don’t notice it as much.

The gratitude started becoming mechanical

After a while, the gratitude started becoming more mechanical, like another item on my to-do list. I had to really stop and consciously bring a feeling of gratitude back to it.

WAYS TO IMPROVE THE GRATITUDE BUTTON EXPERIMENT

Here are some ideas that just burbled up on how to counter those two things.

Get different buttons: From a purely visual perspective, the button started to become background white noise. I grew used to seeing it there, and it stopped catching my eye as something different. It’s possible that getting a variety of buttons – different colors, shapes, sizes – might keep my visual attention more.

Get an “ask me why” button: This is something I toyed with from the beginning. Maybe 1 in 10 people I encounter while out and about ask me about the button. Adding an “ask me why” button might open the door to talking about it even more.

Make a conscious ritual: Rather than hastily grabbing it off the table as I get dressed, or unceremoniously tossing it down when I get ready for bed, I could make putting it on and taking it off a conscious ritual. Each time I put it on or take it off, I could pause, focus on my breathing, and think of five things I’m grateful for.

If I wanted to go even farther, I could make the conscious ritual into a five minute gratitude meditation.

Carry a supply of thank you buttons with me: I could carry a supply with me and if someone asks me about it and responds really positively to the idea, I could give them one. That would both ratchet up the engagement around it and plant seeds with other people.

So can a gratitude button experiment change your life? Yes, I think it can. 

If this experiment tickles your fancy at all, I highly recommend it. It’s a super-easy way to increase the gratitude awareness of both you and the people around you.

If you do, let me know how it goes!

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Try a gratitude mindfulness experiment

November 1, 2013 Written by Curt Rosengren

How much do you have to be grateful for in your life? Even if things are going sideways and life is dumping a big steaming pile o’ trouble on your head, you’d probably be surprised at just how much there is when you really pay attention.

The other day as I headed out to a coffee shop to do some work, I decided to do an experiment and spend the trip there noticing things I could be grateful for. What came out of it was simple, always-available gratitude practice I want to share with you.

None of what I came up with was earth-shattering. It didn’t leave me quivering in gratitudinal bliss (yeah, I know that’s not really a word, but it should be). But it did keep my attention focused on what’s positive and just how much there is to be thankful for when I make the effort to notice.

A partial list, from what I can remember:

  • My home – a place to stay warm and dry
  • My car – allowing me to easily get from here to there
  • The beautiful fall day
  • The colors of the leaves
  • Coffee
  • The fact that coffee was there and so readily available to me
  • The fact that I was noticing so many things to be grateful for
  • My health and mobility
  • The physical sensations in my body as my muscles worked to shift gears in my car
  • Music
  • Musicians
  • Coffee (oh wait, did I say that already? I think it’s worth another mention.)

I realized what I was doing was a kind of gratitude-based mindfulness practice. Since then I have been finding small pockets of time – a trip to the store, a walk in the park, doing the dishes – to play with the idea.

I love so many things about this practice, like:

  • It’s bite-sized. It’s small enough that you can immerse yourself and stay focused on gratitude for the duration.
  • It can be applied any time, anywhere. You don’t have to make a special time to sit and do a gratitude meditation, or write in a gratitude journal. You just do it as you go about your business doing things you would already be doing.
  • You can do it multiple times per day. The bite-sized nature of it means you can play with it again and again and again in any given day.
  • It helps build a gratitude habit. The more you focus on gratitude, the more you will find to be grateful for. This is a great way to condition yourself to notice gratitude opportunities.

Try it out! And when you do, I would love to hear how it goes.

(And if you need some help to get your noticing revved up, try these 17 gratitude prompting questions and 17 more gratitude prompting questions.)

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17 more gratitude prompting questions

October 31, 2013 Written by Curt Rosengren

Gratitude is the ultimate perspective shifter. It paints your life with a positive-focused brush, and it has been shown in study after study to have both mental and physical health benefits. It’s one of the most readily accessible tools we have for changing our lives for the better.

A few months ago I posted a list of seventeen gratitude prompting questions. Lately I’ve been playing with weaving that gratitude focus more habitually into my life as I bop through my days.

In the spirit of making gratitude part of the ongoing fabric of your life, not just something you do now and then when you remember, here are some more questions you can ask as you live your day-to-day life.

  1. What can I find to be grateful for in this very moment? (Challenge yourself. Make it a game.)
  2. What do I see right now that I can be grateful for?
  3. What is associated with something I’m grateful for that I can be grateful for? (For example, if you’re grateful for the cup of coffee you’re enjoying, there’s the potential to be grateful for everything that went into it – the farmer who grew it, the earth it grew in, the sunshine and rain, the people who picked it, the business and people who involved in getting it from there to where you are, the roasters, etc.).
  4. What can I enjoy right now that I can be grateful for? (For example, looking out my window I’m enjoying the color contrast of a branch of a juniper tree that has both live green and dead brown tips – when I really stop and notice it, it’s quite pretty.)
  5. What do I hear that I am grateful for (birds? music? the sound of children giggling?)
  6. What do I normally take for granted that I am grateful for (clean and readily available drinking water? flush toilets? an abundance of food?)
  7. What interaction(s) have I had lately that I’m grateful for? (the funny barista? the gentle smile from the person you walked past in the grocery store? the compliment from a co-worker?)
  8. What have I learned lately that I’m grateful for?
  9. Who am I grateful to for teaching me something lately?
  10. What do I get to do that I’m grateful for? (hobbies? work you enjoy? helping someone? going to a good movie?)
  11. How have other people helped me that I’m grateful for?
  12. What opportunities to help others have I had that I can be grateful for?
  13. What do I find fascinating? Can I be grateful for that fascination?
  14. What emotional feelings am I grateful for right now?
  15. What physical sensations am I grateful for right now?
  16. What is the subtlest thing I can notice that I can be grateful for? (a gentle breeze? the lingering smell of a delicious meal?)
  17. What have I seen others do that I can feel grateful for seeing (chasing somebody down to return money they dropped? giving up a seat on a crowded bus? giving a stranger a genuine compliment?)

There is literally an endless supply of things to be grateful for when we start looking.

Print the questions out. Add your own. Tape them up to your wall. Keep a copy on your dashboard. Remind yourself, remind yourself, remind yourself.

The more you practice gratitude, the more you’ll notice to be grateful for. And that can change the way you experience your life in a very real way.

What gratitude questions would you add?

(By the way, I’m grateful that you’re reading this.)

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Write letters telling people the impact they have had: 30-Day Experiment

January 10, 2013 Written by Curt Rosengren

[This is one of a series of 30-Day Experiments to do this year instead of New Year’s resolutions.]

A few weeks ago, I got a letter in the mail (yes, a real letter!) from a former client. In it, she shared the enormous difference our work together had made in her life, opening up an area that had until then been closed off (specifically, her spirituality).

It was a fairly simple thing to do – write a letter with some thoughts and pop it into the mail – but it had an immense impact on me.

Thinking about that this morning, it dawned on me what a fabulous 30-Day Experiment that would be. Imagine getting a letter out of the blue from someone in your life – past or present – telling you why you have been important to them. How would that feel? Now multiply that feeling by the number of letters you can send doing exactly that. What kind of difference could that make?

Your 30-Day Experiment: Write letters to as many people as you can think of telling them what they mean to you.

Why a hand-written letter? Why not just fire off an e-mail? Well, back to my experience, had I gotten an e-mail, it would have felt good, but getting an actual physical letter added to the effect it had on me. Partially because I got to pick up the letter and interact with it, reading it over and over, and partially  because, since she wrote it by hand, there was more of a personal connection there.

Start by making a list of all the people you can think of who have had a positive impact on you, or whose presence in your life feels meaningful. That might include, for example:

  • Friends
  • Family
  • Teachers
  • Bosses
  • Co-workers
  • Colleagues
  • Mentors
  • Coaches
  • Therapists
  • Spiritual leaders/teachers

Once you finish the list, put it somewhere you can see it frequently, maybe taped to the wall. Keep adding to it if more people come to mind. Keep writing letters and sending them out until you have worked through the entire list.

The 30-Day aspect of this one is that it gives you a time frame within which to write a letter to each person on your list. You may need to do a little detective work to figure out how to reach them if you have lost contact (hello, Facebook?), so that could be part of the experiment’s logistics.

If you decide to take this 30-Day Experiment on, keep us posted here on how it goes!

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Write a Gratitude Journal: 30-Day Experiment

January 4, 2013 Written by Curt Rosengren

[This is one of a series of 30-Day Experiments to do this year instead of New Year’s resolutions.]

If you want a surefire way to improve your life, both emotionally and physically, gratitude journaling is it. You can go as hog-wild as you want with it, but in its simplest sense it is simply focusing on what you’re grateful for by writing it down.

It’s not just a nice warm fuzzy idea. There is a bucketload (the technical term, I believe) of research showing the very real and wide-reaching impact that gratitude has.

Here’s an excellent primer on what research has found on the benefits of gratitude, which can include:

Physical
• Stronger immune systems
• Less bothered by aches and pains
• Lower blood pressure
• Exercise more and take better care of their health
• Sleep longer and feel more refreshed upon waking

Psychological
• Higher levels of positive emotions
• More alert, alive, and awake
• More joy and pleasure
• More optimism and happiness

Social
• More helpful, generous, and compassionate
• More forgiving
• More outgoing
• Feel less lonely and isolated.

While there is no “right way” to gratitude journal, here are some tips to get you started.

  • Make it easy to start with. Keep the journal next to your bed and jot down five things you’re grateful for before you go to bed. Keep it to a one-sentence description. Review the list the next morning when you get up to start your day. Over the thirty days, if you find yourself wanting to dive in deeper, feel free to up the number of things in your list or the amount you write. But if it starts to feel onerous, dial it down again.
  • Ask questions. Go through these gratitude-prompting questions to help prompt ideas for what to write.
  • Make it real. Don’t just mechanically go through the motions of writing things down. Try to really feel the gratitude.
  • Remember, size doesn’t matter. This isn’t about finding grandiose things to be grateful for. If they’re there, great. But it might just as well be gratitude for savoring a cup of coffee.
  • Make your day a gratitude zone. As you go through your day, make a conscious effort to notice things to be grateful for. That will both have a positive effect on your day and make your Gratitude Journaling easier.

Ultimately, it’s about whatever works for you. Play with it and see what feels most natural, fun, and effective.

If you decide to take this 30-Day Experiment on, keep us posted here on how it goes!

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17 gratitude-prompting questions for your Gratitude Journal

January 4, 2013 Written by Curt Rosengren

Research shows that Gratitude Journaling can have an immensely positive impact on both your emotional and physical well-being. Unfortunately, most people’s gratitude muscles are a bit flabby. If you want to take a crack at Gratitude Journaling, but find yourself up against an industrial strength case of writer’s block.

Here are some questions to help get you started (and if you want to go really wild and crazy with it, here’s another post with seventeen more gratitude prompting questions).

  1. Who do I appreciate?
  2. How am I fortunate?
  3. What material possessions am I thankful for?
  4. What abilities do I have that I’m grateful for?
  5. What about my surroundings (home/neighborhood/city/etc.) am I thankful for?
  6. What experiences have I had that I am grateful for?
  7. What happened today/yesterday/this week/this month/this year that I am  grateful for?
  8. What opportunities do I have that I am thankful for?
  9. What have others in my life done that I am thankful for?
  10. What have others done that I am benefiting from in my life (even if I don’t know who those people are)?
  11. What relationships am I thankful for?
  12. What am I taking for granted that, if I stop to think about it, I am grateful for?
  13. What is there about the challenges/difficulties I have experienced (or am currently experiencing) that I can be thankful for? (e.g., What have I learned? How have I grown?)
  14. What is different today than it was a year ago that I’m thankful for?
  15. What insights have I gained that I am grateful for?
  16. What am I able to offer others that I am grateful for?
  17. What opportunities to help others am I thankful for?

These questions are a great start, but don’t stop there. Come up with your own questions. Brainstorm as many gratitude-prompting questions as you can think of and start answering those as well.

By the time you finish all the questions, you’ll have a really deep picture of the gratitude in your life. You’ll also have a great resource to go back through on those days when you’re feeling a bit bah humbug.

What other gratitude prompting questions come to mind? Post them here!

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Gratitude Monday: What are you grateful for?

April 23, 2012 Written by Curt Rosengren

I’ve fallen off the blogging wagon the last couple weeks, and what better time to pick it up than Gratitude Monday morning. (Read more on the benefits of gratitude.)

So much to be grateful for.

The support of my parents

The support of my friends

A gorgeously beautiful sunny day (on top of several gorgeously beautiful sunny days)

The fact that I live ten minutes from a several hundred acre, wooded park

The critters that come to visit me

The fact that I’m still growing (and can even see the progress, sometimes)

The inspiration I feel about the potential impact of the Ripple Revolution

People who inspire me by their work to make the world a better place

Trees

How about you? What are you grateful for? I would love to hear three things (or more – I’m not limiting you!) in the comments.

Happy Monday!

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The bazillion benefits of gratitude

March 26, 2012 Written by Curt Rosengren

thank you
What if there were an easy way to improve your sense of well-being so you could feel happier and more content with your life? Somothing so simple, anyone could do it with next to no effort. And what if it could have a positive impact on your physical health at the same time? Best of all, what if there were extensive research to back up those positive results?

Of course, since I’m blogging about it, by now you have figured out that there is a way. And it’s not a magic wonderpill; it’s gratitude.

Enough research has been done on the impact of gratitude that it even caught the attention of conservative mainstream publications like the Wall Street Journal. Here’s what a recent WSJ article had to say:

A growing body of research suggests that maintaining an attitude of gratitude can improve psychological, emotional and physical well-being.

Adults who frequently feel grateful have more energy, more optimism, more social connections and more happiness than those who do not, according to studies conducted over the past decade. They’re also less likely to be depressed, envious, greedy or alcoholics. They earn more money, sleep more soundly, exercise more regularly and have greater resistance to viral infections.

It’s like a wonder-drug! With benefits like that, how can you resist? Even if you don’t naturally feel grateful, it’s easy to train that gratitude muscle, just by making it a point to focus on what you’re grateful for.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of remembering to remember that we have things to be grateful for. It’s so easy for an awareness of all we’re blessed with to fade into the background.

Try this: At least once every day, stop and ask yourself, “What am I grateful for right now?” Challenge yourself to create a daily gratitude habit. Commute to work? Try kicking off your day by spending part of that time mulling over reasons to be grateful.

The more you focus on it, the more your mind naturally looks for reasons to be grateful. And the more you look for them, the more you notice them. And the more you notice them, the more grateful you feel.

[image by psd]

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